hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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