ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
