Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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