so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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