Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
