no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
