Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
