I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
