i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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