i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
