I just pynch a tree in the face
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
