I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
FUCK WHALES
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
