I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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