Can i not drive my cunt home
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
