Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
