evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
