What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
