You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
