Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
