I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
