why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
what day is it and did you see me today?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
