I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i now understand why vodka
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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