I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
