So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
