Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
