took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
