Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
