maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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