Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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