Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
