Yo dont text me then not text me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
