My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
