Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
