are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
