i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
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