That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
