if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
