I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
