There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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