What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Randomize
