Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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