Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
