when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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