Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
