You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
