oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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