Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
