i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Couch. On fire.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
