Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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