careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
