My underwear smells like fireworks.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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