TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
