I am puke
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
