I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
