I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
