didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
